


Sugar Rush

by Pfeldspar



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Dubiously sentient elven technology, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Gay Panic, Kissing, M/M, Makeouts, Robbie POV, Sugar Meltdown, he is a disaster LET ME TELL YOU, robbie has to save the day (and his love life) (Stephanie helps), spit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pfeldspar/pseuds/Pfeldspar
Summary: Lesson of the day: Do not kiss a sports elf after eating chocolate cake unless you want a floor full of unconscious boyfriend.Robbie has no idea what to do.
Relationships: Robbie Rotten/Sportacus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Sugar Rush

**Author's Note:**

> I WROTE THIS 2 AND A HALF YEARS AGO (that explains my cells at work reference) but I liked some of it still so I slapped a fresh coat of paint on it and here we are.

Robbie Rotten, Villain number one, had been fretting over asking a single question for the past few days. The usual function of his brain; the conjuring schemes and mechanics, the devious hatching of dastardly plans, the designs for disguises, evil cake recipes(don’t ask), everything was put on hold. His thought process warped from a complex system of interconnected elements to a single infuriating vortex of shit.

He and Sportacus were dating. They still performed their roles of hero and villain, concocting and foiling schemes respectively. They had jobs to do. They reached a mutual understanding of how to keep their ‘work’ and private lives separate. The townsfolk probably knew what was going on between them, but they made sure that the children didn’t know what was going on. Sportacus had wanted to tell everyone immediately, but Robbie insisted that no one know. It just wasn’t his style. He didn’t want to feel pressure to be all lovey-dovey in public.

In the bunker or the airship, and on nature walks or dates, they had exchanged brief kisses while holding hands. Subtle kisses on the cheek or pecks on the lips.

A brief brush of mouths that left Robbie wanting something more indulgent.

It was good. Things were good. Great, even! Worryingly so. Robbie wasn’t exactly sure how he hadn’t messed everything up yet. That was kind of his thing. intentional or not. Rotten luck and all that. 

Robbie knew he had a penchant for being greedy. And well, he wanted more. He found himself spending a shameful amount of time thinking about the inside of Sportacus’s mouth. It was maddening, he just /had to taste it. Would it be sweet? We’re his teeth as smooth as they looked? What was the texture of his toungue like? His mouth was probably hot like a furnace. Elves had higher body temperatures than humans, due to their northern geographical location. Robbie wondered if he’d melt if their toungues twisted against each other. He really, really wanted to try making out. He just wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He was losing what little sleep he got over it.

But things were good! It was fine. Fine-adjacent maybe. He didn’t need to swap spit that badly. And Robbie didn’t want to ruin it by asking something unreasonable. Even though it was reasonable. Maybe. Or not? Robbie’s giant brain was just too smart. He had too many thoughts and was thinking himself in circles about the whole thing. I mean, frenching. Sportacus would like that kind of thing, maybe? It involved moving, it was kind of like… tongue exercise? Robbie slapped a hand to his mouth and gagged. Okay, no. Cut off that train of thought before it plowed straight into gross-out station, all aboard to barfsville. He didn’t want to ruin the thought for himself. He pursued another line of reasoning. His hero boyfriend was definitely the touchy-feely type. He was always putting a big brotherly hand on the kid’s shoulders or giving hugs freely. 

Logistically though, would it work? He had a couple inches on Sportacus and a penchant to slouch so the height difference wouldn’t be much of a challenge. Would Robbie’s buck teeth get in the way? Who knows. Not him, that’s for sure. 

There was nothing to do but...ASK. His mind provided its own ominous music, free of charge. With lighting effects, too. Damn his knack for theatrics.

They had wrapped up a date and returned to Robbie’s bunker. Robbie decided he was going to do it. Now. Maybe some other time would be better, he could- Nope! No putting it off! He would ask now. 

“Would you want to,” Robbie couldn’t bear to look Sportacus in the eye, “Maybe…”

Sportacus, ever patient, cocked his head with a soft smile. Which made the issue of Robbie’s racing heart and rising nervousness even worse. He wondered how upset Sportacus would be if Robbie ripped off his stupidly adorable pencil mustache. The way it turned upwards with a smile was just- no. Stay focused. Stay FOCUSED.

Robbie breathed through his nose harshly and studied the ceiling. He was an evil genuis, why was this so hard? It was just a simple question. Yes or no? There’s only two answers. Wait, no. There’s maybe. Or some other time. Or hey, Robbie we should go exercise! There’s this new bike trail- EUGH. Okay, okay. He’s getting distracted. Question. Sportacus. No exercise. Just terror.

A paper airplane fluttered past him. He looked to Sportacus who had taken a step back to give Robbie some space and was admiring the ceiling as if there was actually something of interest up there that Robbie might have been looking at while he had a mental crisis. Robbie picked up the paper plane.

‘Would it be easier to write down the question?’ Was written inside it.

Robbie scowled at Sportacus, “No, I am perfectly capable of asking you a question without using a magic paper airplane, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.”

Sportacus shrugged with a smile, “Take your time.” 

Robbie couldn’t tell if he was being teased or not. Past experience pointed to definitely - Sportacus could be a bit of a bastard, believe it or not - but the whole hero thing made Robbie want to give his boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Regardless, it annoyed him. He crumpled up the airplane and threw it as hard as he could. It gently landed a foot away. He stepped on it, then stood up straight and cleared his throat a few too many times.

“Would you want to try...” Robbie learned back against the wall, inspected his nails, feigning nonchalance, “French kissing?” The squeaky note the question ended on threw all chances of being smooth out of the window. 

Sportacus seemed pleasantly surprised. He blinked. A shy smile grew on his face. “Sure, Robbie. I would enjoy that.”

Robbie held up a hand and turned away, the other hand dramatically on his forehead like a fainting damsel.

“That’s okay, I understand why you’d say no, it’s-” Robbie turned around, gaping, “What did you say?” He asked flatly.

“I would enjoy trying that with you. I’ve never done it before, but we can learn together and have fun.” Sportacus must be unable to deliver optimism without his fists on his hips. Maybe it was a power move to intimidate Robbie by appearing larger.

“I hate you sometimes.” Robbie grumbled.

“No, you don’t.” Sportacus grinned.

Robbie rolled his eyes, “No, I don’t. And we BOTH know that but I need to keep up appearances for decorum’s sake. Come on!”

Sportacus wrapped his arms around Robbie’s waist. Robbie took a deep breath. Did his hair look okay? Oh god, what if there was something in his teeth? Oh double god, Sportacus is closing his eyes and cleaning forward. Is it weird that Robbie’s eyes were open? Probably? Stupid stupid stupid he can’t be making a mistake already, they haven’t even started!

Sportacus pulled back suddenly, “wait one moment.” He said apologetically, taking a few steps away.

DAMN IT. Years of Robbie foiling good deeds had made him the master of foiling and now he had foiled himself from macking on Sportacus. 

Who was doing some backflips, followed by a star jump before he landed back in front of Robbie with a big grin. “Okay, ready!”

Robbie stared at him. 

“I had to get that out of my system. Got too excited.” Sportacus explained, bouncing on his feet a little.

Oh. Alright then. 

Robbie was turning redder than before, that was SO endearing. God DAMN it. He waved a finger at Sportacus, trying to save face, “Dial it back before you ruin the mood.” He scolded. 

Sportacus smiled slyly, “Maybe I should go run some laps so it doesn’t happen again-“

“No no no no! NO.” Robbie said desperately. He plastered a too- wide grin on his face, spread his hands wide, “it’s fine! I mean what’s a few backflips between boyfriends?” 

“Well, if you insist, let me show you that I can break my twist jump record..”

Robbie realized he was being messed with. Played like a goddamn athletic fiddle. Those things they use to hit tennis balls. A tennis racket. He was being played like a tennis racket. That didn’t even make sense. He crossed his arms with a huff, “I’m going to have to start calling you a slightly below average villain.”

“Alright, I’ll settle down.” Sportacus laughed, grinning. He ran his hands up and down Robbie’s arms.

Sportacus leaned most of the way forward, his breath hot on Robbie’s lips. They were millimeters apart. Sportacus wasn’t rising up on his toes enough to make contact. Robbie realized he would have to close the gap. He was overcome with a surge of affection at realizing that Sportacus was doing what he always did, pushing Robbie in many ways but always letting him be the one to initiate. Never putting him in uncomfortable situations or pushing too hard. They were so different but Sportacus respected his boundaries immensely. In all things, he worked hard and loving Robbie was no exception. 

Robbie loved Sportacus so much. He needed to kiss him before he melted into a puddle of mush and ruined the carpet..

He pressed his mouth gently against Sportacus’. They both stood still for a moment.

Robbie titled his head to the side slightly and slid his lips against Sportacus’ own. So far so good. They’d done this before but it wasn’t so slow. Spartacus sighed softly, a hand at the small of Robbie’s back. He parted his lips slightly. Robbie tilted his head more and lightly traced his tongue along Sportacus’ lower lip. 

Sportacus pulled Robbie closer so that their chests were flush, which Robbie took as a good sign. 

Sportacus darted his tongue out to meet Robbie’s and he felt a hot thrill run through him at the contact. 

Robbie hummed contentedly and went for it, he held Sportacus’s face in his hands and pushed his tongue into his mouth. 

Sportacus wound his arms around Robbie tightly and sucked on his tongue, starting to pant-

Robbie froze as Sportacus seized up against him. Had he done something wrong? He pulled back in time to see Sportacus’ eyes roll back into his head as he fell backward. Robbie dove to catch Sportacus. He narrowly missed having a major boyfriend-elf-blood cleanup on his hands. Sportacus was in fact, as heavy as he looked. 

“Hey! Sporty! What happened?” Robbie asked, mortified. He couldn’t be that bad of a kisser!

“Sports?”

“Sportasnore?”

Robbie shook him, “Sportacus?”

He was out cold. Robbie stood up and paced, thinking. He ran a hand down his face, spindly fingers gliding over the shared saliva still on his lips. 

Was he that good of a kisser? Or that bad? Robbie didn’t have much experience in the kissing department. He was reasonably sure that makeout sessions didn’t usually involve one of the parties involved passing out. Then again, Sportacus fainted on a fairly regular basis. But that was for a reason. A very specific reason. Like when he had too much- oh.

Oh damn.

“The cake I guzzled down before Sportacus arrived!” Robbie exclaimed, “I wanted to finish it quickly so he wouldn’t know I ate it.” 

“Not that I care what he thinks or anything!” He added defensively to no one in particular. 

Scenic local Lair™, current population 1 number one villain, and 1 passed out hero boyfriend.

“I must have had a high concentration of sugar in my spit and when it got in Sportaslurp’s mouth-” Robbie screwed his face up in disgust. “I better not have gotten any vitamins, minerals, or-“ he let out a horrified gasp, “-antioxidants in my mouth!” 

He ran to the kitchen sink and rinsed his mouth out, spitting vigorously. Bleh! PLEH! Disgusting!

He wondered if it was possible to have a health meltdown. Like a sugar meltdown but with nutrients. Robbie felt sick and lightheaded. Cells were probably WORKING in his BODY at the very moment. What if his metabolism got used to hearty foods and he couldn’t eat sweets any more!? What if- NO. 

He paced at a power-walking speed, his eyes unconsciously tracking Sportacus’ unconscious face. “I can think about myself later! I need to...to…” Two eyes squeezed shut, “Help.” He shuddered at the word. 

Robbie bounced on his heels and swung his hands like a boxer preparing for a match. “Ok, Rotten, you can do this. Get some sportscandy. You’ve survived worse.” He failed at not sounding completely hysterical. He tried for some deep breaths but ended up hyperventilating and wheezing. Once he recovered, he gave the zonked out hero on the floor a final scowling look before scrambling up the pipe to the surface. 

Robbie appeared a moment later, backtracking. He stooped down with a grunt and dragged Sportacus onto the lair’s crowning feature. The armchair. 

“Sportacus, you’re not awake yet are you?” He wheezed, giving the elf a small slap on the cheek. No reply. Another slap for good measure. Nothing. Chivalry is indeed alive and well thanks to Robbie Rotten. What a guy. 

He slapped himself just to be sure it hadn’t all been a nightmare. Ouch. Nope. 

“Ok, guess I still need to save the day” He pouted, “unless you’re awake now and I don’t have to do anything?” He added hopefully. Sportacus was still passed out. Damn. Robbie would have to exert himself and problem-solve. Which was totally unprecedented for him. Geez, the things you do for love! Other Boyfriend of the Year award-seekers need not apply. He had this in the bag. 

He reluctantly climbed to the surface, wishing things could just work themselves out for once. 

Was a Sugar Meltdown supposed to last his long? While putting a hero in a coma via a French kiss was indeed dastardly, that wasn’t what Robbie wanted, truth be told. That was more Glanni’s style.

“Where does he even get that nasty stuff?” Robbie whined, emerging from the billboard concealing his bunker. 

An idea came to him in a rush.

“Airship!” Robbie wailed. He jumped with a (dignified) shriek as the ladder unrolled next to him. 

He swatted at it, “No! Put that away.” 

Clang!

He shook his hand at the wrist with a hiss. That thing was sturdier than it looked. 

The ladder obediently vanished into the heavens. Robbie could imagine the airship waiting patiently like a dog ready for a command. 

“Uh,” He began, “Give me! A… Um.... Raw lemon?” He ended lamely. He wasn’t exactly the expert on healthfood, ok?

A low whistle echoed from the stratosphere. Oh shit. Robbie ducked in preperation of the spiteful universe embedding the lemon into his cranium. That would be just his luck. With a splat, the lemon landed, burying itself in the asphalt. He cracked an eye open and cringed at the dent in the earth a foot away from his...foot. Death by lemon narrowly avoided, that was one thing that went right today. 

He cleared his throat and thrust a demanding finger in the air, “Airship! Another raw lemon.” He grimaced, “With a little parachute?” He added with a hopeful squeak.

Ok, Robbie Rotten, you can do this. You will save the day and be able to eat as much cake as you want without feeling guilty before passing out.

“Robbie Rotten!” Since when had his internal voice been so… High pitched? And grating? 

Stephanie appeared without her usual entourage. 

“Shoo!” Robbie gestured with his hands, “Shoo! Shoo! Skeddadle! Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I was, but I felt like...Like someone was in trouble! Maybe I’m becoming a real hero!” She said excitedly.

Robbie physically recoiled from her disgustingly endearing optimistic heroism. “So you have Spidey-senses now. Fantastic. I don’t need your help, now go away” He waved a hand at her, scanning the sky for parachuting lemons. 

“What are you looking for?” She asked.

“I’m looking for the empty space you used to be taking up. Oh, what’s this? Could it be? Oh. Nah, you’re still there.”

Stephanie noticed the half-smushed lemon in the center of a mini-crater. 

“Are you trying to get rid of sportscandy? I thought you and Sportacus were passed that.” She said with a disappointed frown, crossing her arms in a typical disapproving hero fashion. 

Robbie tried to kick the lemon away but ended up getting pulp all over his spats. He sneered, “That blue blowhard and I are still nemeses, little girl. Him and I are in the middle of something if you would LEAVE-”

Stephanie looked up, then snatched the gently floating lemon out of the air. “Huh? Did this come from Sporacus’ airship?”

“Give that to me!” Robbie snapped, reaching for the lemon before Stephanie pulled it away. 

“I don’t trust you!” she said, folding up the parachute nearly, “Tell me what’s going on and why someone needs help and I’ll give you your...Parachute lemon.” She stared at the mysteriously un-aerodynamic fruit in her hand. 

Robbie groaned in exasperation and stamped his foot, “FINE.” He sighed, “I accidentally knocked out Sportasmooch and I need to snap him out of a Sugar Meltdown.”

“Sportasmooch?” Stephanie said incredulously. 

“NEVERMIND GIVETHATBACKSOICANWAKEHIMUP” Robbie shrieked, upset at his slipup. He needed to be careful with those brilliantly apt nicknames. 

Stephanie handed it to him. As he snatched it away and held it to his chest protectively she spoke, “You know, Mr. Rotten… That’s not going to wake him up.” Robbie froze.

“What?!”

“Sportacus needs a type of sportscandy that he can take a bite out of without preparation.” 

Robbie flailed the lemon in distres, “What do you mean?! Why can’t a person just eat a raw lemon?”

Stephanie giggled, “because it’s gross! And what do you mean ‘raw lemon’? People don’t cook lemons!”

“OURGH! WHAT-EVER!” Robbie chucked the lemon as far as he could in frustration. A ways away, one of Mayor Meanswell’s windows shattered. Nice.

Robbie clasped his hands pleadingly, “Pink child! What do I do? What do I do?” 

“How about an apple?”

“Yes! That’s it! Airship! Apple!” Robbie cried.

“So that’s where the lemons came from!” Stephanie said. 

“Where else would they come from in the sky? Duh! Oh wait, here it comes!” They boths craned their heads back to see the fruit’s descent through the night sky. 

Stephanie squinted, “Why doesn’t it have a parachute?”

“I forgot!” Robbie slapped a hand over his face. He heard the telltale whistle of an apple descending from the stratus at deadly speeds and dove under a bench, covering his head. 

“I got it, I got it!” Stephanie said, skittering in a circle with her arms out, trying to predict the trajectory of the apple.

“Oh Stephanie, I hardly knew you!” Robbie sobbed with his face hid behind his hands while hiding under the safety of the bench. “Gone too soon from this world, untimely demise brought about by sports candy. It’s how she would have wanted to go. I’ll write you a touching eulogy, the whole town will be in tears as I show off my oratory skills despite my own inner conflict and sadness. Driven by grief, Sportscus will fall into my arms and we’ll plan to elope. I’ll be the star witness and also accused at the trial, misunderstood due to being a villain. I’ll get an interview on 60 minutes and I’ll have one sweet little girl to thank for my fame. Would I give it all back to hear her high pitched and annoying voice again? Abso-“

“Are you done yet?”

“No, not yet. And then, after I get released from prison, as I live happily on the coast in a sprawling mansion, I’ll have one regret- What?” Stephanie was crouched down looking at Robbie roll in the grass, talking to himself. He held up a hand, “One minute, I didn’t even get to the part where, wait, how are you alive? Double wait! You’re alive!” 

He darted out and scooped her up in a hug, swinging her around. “Annoying pink child, I’m so glad you didn’t get fatal head trauma due to my negligence!”

He blushed and put her down, “I mean, not like I would be sad or anything. It’s just that Sportacus would probably loathe me if something happened to you on my watch. I’m a villain but I’m still an adult. And adults don’t let children get brained by descending fruit.” 

“I’m glad I didn’t die too, Robbie.” Stephanie smiled.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Did too.”

“You can’t prove it. How’d you even catch the apple?”

Stephanie beamed, holding up a baseball-gloved hand.

Robbie recoiled in disgust. “Ok, ok, settle down. Maybe sport equipment saved your life but healthfood is what was putting you at risk in the first place.”

Stephanie held the apple out to him and he instinctively stepped back. She frowned. “Robbie…”

“I know, I KNOW.” He flapped his hands at the wrist, frowning too. 

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Ugh! This is too hard!” He said.

Stephanie yawned and Robbie wished he could strangle his stupid conscience. He must have been cursed to be a big brother in a past life (instead of being a little brother in this life). “Fine, just hand me the fruit, and go to bed. I got it from here.”

“You sure?” Stephanie didn’t look convinced.

“Yes, now shoo!” She handed the apple to Robbie, who fought against his instincts to throw it and give the mayor’s other window a matching hole. “Goodbye and goodnight.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Good luck!” Stephanie waved as she skipped back in the direction to her uncle’s house.

Robbie had the fruit. He held it by the stem, as far away from himself as he could, arms out with his head tilted away as if he were holding radioactive waste. He screwed his face up in a grimace. The walk back felt unbearably long. Like an eternity of having health food stuck in his field of vision. He felt like Prometheus and blinking was his brief respite from torture from his fruit-eagle. The ancient Greeks were weird.

He considered chucking the wretched thing down the chute to his lair but figured that would be a bad idea. And not the good kind of bad idea. The bad kind of bad idea, the not villainous kind of bad, just normal bad. Bad bad. He looked between the apple and the hatch. He wished his outfit wasn’t so stylish, so the pockets could have been more useful. 

Robbie cradled the fruit in his arm and clambered down the ladder. He approached Sportacus’ still still form.

Robbie hovered over him, frowning. How did this work again? Was he just supposed to jam the fruit in his mouth? This wasn’t a luau. He ran to the kitchen and cut the apple into slices. The smell of fresh produce made his eyes water as if he’d been chopping onions. 

He ran back over and placed a peice in Sportacus’s mouth, hoping that he hadn’t inadvertently killed his boyfriend somehow by sending him into a super-sugar coma. 

Sportacus opened his eyes slowly, rubbing them with a groan. “What happened?”

“I guess you weren’t ready for my kissing expertise. You swooned and fainted like a blushing maiden.” Robbie shrugged, “wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.” 

Sportacus clicked his toungue and smacked his lips, face drawn, “Robbie…”

“Me…?” Robbie squeaked.

“Next time, you should refrain from sweets for at least half an hour before we make out, yeah?”

“Next time?” Robbie asked, hopefully as he tried not to hope, lest he be crushed by diaaspointment.

“Of course, before I fainted, it was great. And after all, when you really love someone-”

“No no no, no hero speeches.” Robbie covered his ears and squinted his eyes shut, as if that would help.

“You’re always going to discover some flaws and have mishaps or arguments-”

Robbie hid under his favorite blanket, “Do NOT.”

“But when it’s true love, you can overcome any obstacle in your path. Whether it be-“

“Stop.”

“A different in opinion, or occupation, like us, love can conquer any challenge!”

Robbie still had his eyes closed underneath his blanket. “Your hands are on your hips right now, aren’t they? I can HEAR it in your voice.”

“I can neither confirm or deny that.” Sportacus said with a smile. 

“Ugh.”

“I’d much rather my hands be on your hips instead.” 

Robbie was out of his blanket cocoon and in front of Sportacus in a flash. “It’s been more than half an hour since I had that cake. I’m sure the enzymes in my saliva have broken down any sugar molecules-,”

Sportacus cut him off with his tongue. 

-

Like a wayward fruit, Robbie was plummeting towards the cold, merciless concrete of the Lazy Town streets. His stomach was in his feet and his scream was rushing past him into the clouds. He was going to die horribly. And it wasn’t even his fault! His merciless death was caused by possibly sentient elven technology and this is honestly not the way he had imagined dying. Was it villainous? Maybe. Was it dashing? Technically. Was it dignified? Absolutely not. He knew he could muster a high pitched shriek of terror but he guesses his death scream must be breaking the sound barrier. Much like his speed as he hurtled through the air. Was it possible to throw up mid-air? He was about to find out. The answer was seemingly forthcoming. The sensation of being caught around the middle didn’t help any. The little bit of air he had remaining rushed out of him at the sudden lack of velocity. 

“Robbie, I got you!”

“At least I got to hear Sportacus’ stupid accent before I died.” Robbie wailed, preparing for the sickening crunch of his release from this mortal coil. Small mercies. 

“Robbie.”

“And I get to feel the memory of his brawny muscled arms wrapped around me. Oh, what a beefcake he was. Well, is. I’m the one dying, not him.” It was nice that he would have a pleasant memory playing through his mind before he became a puddle of goo on the asphalt. 

“Robbie, you’re not going to die,”

“Shut up, yes I am,”

“Beefcake, though, really?” Sportacus laughed.

“How thoughtful of my brain’s dying fantasy to have my boyfriend laughing at me. Very realistic. I can imagine that dumb twinkle in his eye and the attractive curve of his ridiculous mustache.”

“I’m going to start climbing up the ladder now, okay? ”

Robbie cracked an eye open. Okay, he definitely was still going to die. They were so high up, his vision swam. The little town below them, nestled in the countryside was a blur of various shades of green and gray. Cold mist from nearby clouds clung to Robbie’s clothes. How long WAS that ladder? 

“Eep!”

“Don’t worry, I got you.” Sportacus said.

“Why did the hatch in your airship even open up under me!?” Robbie asked, eyes squeezed shut and holding onto Sportacus like a limpet. 

Sportacus cleared his throat uneasily, he put on his voice that indicated he was being overly bright and chipper because he was going to deliver terrible news, “We can’t do any makeouts on the airship.”

“What? Why? I didn’t even do anything wrong! That I know of, that is”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Robbie, you’re just fine. The ship just doesn’t like us being intimate.”

“It’s your ship.”

“No, no, there’s a reason I say the airship and not my airship. It’s, well - It’s somewhat sentient.”

“So you’re saying that the ship kicked us out because it’s alive and didn’t want us playing tonsil hockey.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you realize how dumb that sounds? It’s impossible.” 

“I mean...It’s done this to me before,” Sportacus explained.

“Sportacus, you seem so pure! How many others have there been?” Robbie asked in a accusatory tone.

“None! There was just a few times where I…”

“Where you…”

“I was feeling…”

“…”

“I was feeling kind of lazy and wanted to take the day off.” Sportacus admitted under his breath.

Robbie gasped, “You? Lazy?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, no! This is great! Amazing! Fantastic, even! Not about the ship, that’s inconvenient, but since the ship doesn’t like us getting hot and heavy, you should probably climb downward instead of up.”

“Oh?” Sportacus paused their ascent, “I thought the near-death experience would have put you off of making out?”

“Well, yeah, sure. But hearing that you were lazy? I could kiss you right now!”

And they did. Until a breeze rocked the ladder and Robbie remembered how high up they were.

-

Operation daily makeouts with Sportacus was a fantastic success. It was Robbie’s most flawless scheme yet. VERY villainous.

In fact, he had Lazy Town’s resident hero trapped in his clutches, metaphorically and physically. (Sportacus had a lot of muscles to clutch)

Robbie had him pushed up against a wall and they were kissing deeply, tongues battling for dominance-

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The crystal’s bright light flashed, rudely cutting in between them, like a chaperone at a high school prom. 

Sportacus pushed Robbie away, a string of spit still connecting their mouths “Someone’s in trouble!” he cried. 

“Yeah, I am! My boyfriend isn’t kissing me anymore and I need help,” Robbie whined, wrapping his arms around Spotacus’ shoulders.

Sportacus ducked under his arms, frowning, “Robbie this could be serious!” He ran in the direction of town, calling back, “We’re going to have a talk about you being pushy!”

“Ugh.” Robbie hit his head against the wall. Repeatedly. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a fake fan I’ve never watched LT. I just know some songs and read a bunch of fics lmao   
> I’m pfeldspart on tumblr


End file.
